i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
