No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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