fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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