I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
