guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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