I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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