it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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