turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
