Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
