He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
