Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
