So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
