My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
