A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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