An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
