3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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