i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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