Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
