thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
