i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
