i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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