everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
