We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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