Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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