their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
