Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I need to calm my uterus...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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