he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
