the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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