Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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