Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
