my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
