New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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