Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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