I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Come share oat with me in your robe
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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