i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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