So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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