but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
