My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
