Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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