You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
