just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
