i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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