You just made me feel so damn special
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
