May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
