You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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