Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
