listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
