I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
