I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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