i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
