How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
