Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
