I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
